[ & i love this picture out of all the i took (: ]life's alright for me, holidays -
waking up early to work everyday,
& soon its time for me to study for my CAT )):
time to mug i guess?
camwhore! :D
random pictures here & there,
and that shall be the pic of this month (:
ps:_`everything's getting better,
& let me be right bout this, please.
- Mood:
energetic
i'm feeling insecure,
& i hate this feeling ):
who's going be there for me?
you you you and you is all i need.
sometimes i feel you so near, but yet so far.
& i guess, you dont belong to me; still (:
ps:_`tell me to be strong, & i will.
tell me that you would be there for me;
make me feel secure, once again.
& i hate this feeling ):
who's going be there for me?
you you you and you is all i need.
sometimes i feel you so near, but yet so far.
& i guess, you dont belong to me; still (:
ps:_`tell me to be strong, & i will.
tell me that you would be there for me;
make me feel secure, once again.
- Mood:
uncomfortable
goodbye my lover, hello my friend (:
No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say
我们隔着一颗心的距离
有笑有哭地去回忆
静静隔着一颗心的距离
交换最真实的情绪
庆幸太不勇敢的纪念日里
你曾经给我多重要的鼓励
sucks to hear you calling me peishan,
though i hate to attitude you, but its beyond my control.
please understand, (i know you do.)
mental block- is all i could do now.
i dread to think of all the emotions im feeling now, even dread to think of those memories we shared,
dread to think of you.
im tired of crying, im worn out; entirely.
i want to be happy, -again.
& maybe you're right. we should keep a distant.
i would love to bury our love, our memories, & you somewhere -
4fingers below my necklace. deep deep inside; & not to resurrect them out.
call me selfish, call me coward -
i want to move on, without you by my side; without any pain and exhaustion.
but rather, just all within me.
ps:_`It's Alright, it's okay.
I will be much better without you
So don't you bother what I do
I'm stronger now,(without you).
& i know i will be.
No looking back
I wont regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken
But still I have to say
我们隔着一颗心的距离
有笑有哭地去回忆
静静隔着一颗心的距离
交换最真实的情绪
庆幸太不勇敢的纪念日里
你曾经给我多重要的鼓励
sucks to hear you calling me peishan,
though i hate to attitude you, but its beyond my control.
please understand, (i know you do.)
mental block- is all i could do now.
i dread to think of all the emotions im feeling now, even dread to think of those memories we shared,
dread to think of you.
im tired of crying, im worn out; entirely.
i want to be happy, -again.
& maybe you're right. we should keep a distant.
i would love to bury our love, our memories, & you somewhere -
4fingers below my necklace. deep deep inside; & not to resurrect them out.
call me selfish, call me coward -
i want to move on, without you by my side; without any pain and exhaustion.
but rather, just all within me.
ps:_`It's Alright, it's okay.
I will be much better without you
So don't you bother what I do
I'm stronger now,
& i know i will be.
- Mood:
calm
it would be nice if exams are over,
it would be nice if things didnt turn out this way,
it would be nice if i could be harsh and mean sometimes,
it would be nice if i'm so-not-friendly to everyone,
it would be nice if i could be happy and carefree,
it would be nice if i could stand aside and not to care & bother so much.
it would be so, so nice if i could do all that.
ps:_` when i push you away, it doesnt mean that i dont care.
rather; i caretoo much.
it would be nice if things didnt turn out this way,
it would be nice if i could be harsh and mean sometimes,
it would be nice if i'm so-not-friendly to everyone,
it would be nice if i could be happy and carefree,
it would be nice if i could stand aside and not to care & bother so much.
it would be so, so nice if i could do all that.
ps:_` when i push you away, it doesnt mean that i dont care.
rather; i care
- Mood:
tired
): life's treating me bad bad bad.
i've made my mistake in the past, & now trying to do all i can to salvage.
for whatever i've done is so wrong & screwed,
& now, i'm rly hoping that things will turn out fine for him.
forgive me for all, & hoping that you would still remember the pact we'd made.
hoping that there wouldnt be any barrier for us,
& being able to move on is what i wished for.
i shouldnt expect much, and shouldnt think about anything anymore ._.
exams are coming in2wks or lesser ):
everyone's panicking at this point of time, and yea, including me :x
i need to concentrate, i swear.
i need to study, i need to do well enough to get promoted.
i'm stressed & hoping all gonna turn out okay.
at the very least, i know people are there for me like for always.
thanks to people like "suek, ernest, chunfai, brandon, jin jie, alvin & last but not least, eugene."
these are the ones who're always there,
& made me feel loved and being cared for.
i'm sorry if i'm being uber troublesome and emo at times;
sorry for bothering with all my stuff )):
but for that, im really thankful ; really i am (:
SO NOW! back to study-ing mode :l
ps:_`telling myself to move on ;
hoping that it becomes a routine & not to notice anymore.
praying that it would rly work out -
take my pain awaaaaaay.
i've made my mistake in the past, & now trying to do all i can to salvage.
for whatever i've done is so wrong & screwed,
& now, i'm rly hoping that things will turn out fine for him.
forgive me for all, & hoping that you would still remember the pact we'd made.
hoping that there wouldnt be any
& being able to move on is what i wished for.
i shouldnt expect much, and shouldnt think about anything anymore ._.
exams are coming in
everyone's panicking at this point of time, and yea, including me :x
i need to concentrate, i swear.
i need to study, i need to do well enough to get promoted.
i'm stressed & hoping all gonna turn out okay.
at the very least, i know people are there for me like for always.
thanks to people like "suek, ernest, chunfai, brandon, jin jie, alvin & last but not least, eugene."
these are the ones who're always there,
& made me feel loved and being cared for.
i'm sorry if i'm being uber troublesome and emo at times;
sorry for bothering with all my stuff )):
but for that, im really thankful ; really i am (:
SO NOW! back to study-ing mode :l
ps:_`telling myself to move on ;
hoping that it becomes a routine & not to notice anymore.
praying that it would rly work out -
take my
- Mood:
blah
life's a maze, its so true.
i'd realised life can be both fragile and yet precious at times.
i nearly got knocked down when crossing the road,
got trapped in school and had to figure out how to climb & jump down from lvl TWO!
& being my first time doing such great stunt, i'd videoed it down. lols! awesomeee~
god gracious, thank god (literally though im not christian) ;
i'm thankful that i'd survived thru all and still managed to be alive.
i'd nvr felt so alive before; and yes, i admit; i love my mum, i love everyone in my life.
love's a riddle; and yeah its right.
after so much, i'd managed to figure it out what i want & whom i rly want.
i thank him, and appreciate every single gesture he'd done for me.
amos, im referring to you okay?
and to my dearest boy, no matter what the future hold for us,
i'll try and make effort ;
& lastly,
happy 21st birthday boy <3
ps:_`i'd learnt how to be a better person in life.
to live, to love, to treasure.
i'd realised life can be both fragile and yet precious at times.
i nearly got knocked down when crossing the road,
got trapped in school and had to figure out how to climb & jump down from lvl TWO!
& being my first time doing such great stunt, i'd videoed it down. lols! awesomeee~
god gracious, thank god (literally though im not christian) ;
i'm thankful that i'd survived thru all and still managed to be alive.
i'd nvr felt so alive before; and yes, i admit; i love my mum, i love everyone in my life.
love's a riddle; and yeah its right.
after so much, i'd managed to figure it out what i want & whom i rly want.
i thank him, and appreciate every single gesture he'd done for me.
amos, im referring to you okay?
and to my dearest boy, no matter what the future hold for us,
i'll try and make effort ;
& lastly,
happy 21st birthday boy <3
ps:_`i'd learnt how to be a better person in life.
to live, to love, to treasure.
- Mood:
content
its been decades since i last updated.
i'm leading a super hectic life.
slept for 4hrs or so everyday,
and studied from 8 to at least 6pm (:
i felt great & awesome.
i kept myself packed,
i refrained myself from thinking too much.
i need to study,
i need to get on with life,
i need to do well for both my promos & diploma.
nothing more, nothing less.
i'm feeling indifferent, i'm neither stressed nor tired.
ps:_`go on peishan,
cause i know i can.
i'm leading a super hectic life.
slept for 4hrs or so everyday,
and studied from 8 to at least 6pm (:
i felt great & awesome.
i kept myself packed,
i refrained myself from thinking too much.
i need to study,
i need to get on with life,
i need to do well for both my promos & diploma.
nothing more, nothing less.
i'm feeling indifferent, i'm neither stressed nor tired.
ps:_`go on peishan,
cause i know i can.
- Mood:
indescribable
after 6yrs of struggles, i'm back to square one.
yes, i still cry over him.
i need to find the faith before i could go on.
with this uncertainity,
i would have to withdraw.
i hope that you wouldnt hate/despise me,
i hope that no matter what; dont avoid me.
im sorry, my dear bfriend.
yes, i still cry over him.
i need to find the faith before i could go on.
with this uncertainity,
i would have to withdraw.
i hope that you wouldnt hate/despise me,
i hope that no matter what; dont avoid me.
im sorry, my dear bfriend.
- Mood:
guilty
i swear ; i'm sick and tired of all this play.
i no longer wants to get involved in this family politics,
and i no longer wants to smile and act like nthing happen,
or rather, taking all blames.
everyone's wearing a mask within,
living on peacefully & harmoniously.
so whats the point of gathering on every sundays?
call that putting up a show for others,
hypocrite, or...escaping from the truth that this family is alrdy long ago drifted apart?
prolly, we're all living on like this just simply for the sake of grandparents.
i gave up totally on how to make them cherish, not to pinpoint,
and also, resolving all the arguements they had.
i'm awfully drained, and i rly would want to leave this "roof" of mine.
shifting back to my parents would be better i guess.
at least i dont get to hear those @(#&!@(%&%.
its a shame to blog all these here,
& yea, its feels so sucky to live up to the fact.
no worries ;
i would still play my role as a daughter, niece, granddaughter.
slap me in my face that i'm being selfish?
at least, im not being hypocrite (:
ps:_`from now on, i'm living for my own, friends, him and studies.
nthing more and nthing less.
i no longer wants to get involved in this family politics,
and i no longer wants to smile and act like nthing happen,
or rather, taking all blames.
everyone's wearing a mask within,
living on peacefully & harmoniously.
so whats the point of gathering on every sundays?
call that putting up a show for others,
hypocrite, or...escaping from the truth that this family is alrdy long ago drifted apart?
prolly, we're all living on like this just simply for the sake of grandparents.
i gave up totally on how to make them cherish, not to pinpoint,
and also, resolving all the arguements they had.
i'm awfully drained, and i rly would want to leave this "roof" of mine.
shifting back to my parents would be better i guess.
at least i dont get to hear those @(#&!@(%&%.
its a shame to blog all these here,
& yea, its feels so sucky to live up to the fact.
no worries ;
i would still play my role as a daughter, niece, granddaughter.
slap me in my face that i'm being selfish?
at least, im not being hypocrite (:
ps:_`from now on, i'm living for my own, friends, him and studies.
nthing more and nthing less.
- Mood: blank
i'm leading a carefree life, with no financial problem since young.
& i could always get whatever i want.
everyone labelled me with "happy girl".
& i lived on with it.
i dont deny the fact that i'm satisfied and should be glad for what i had.
but, i'm not.
i need a life, and yes, i really do need one.
a life which i wouldnt look back & regret later on,
but rather, a life which i'm rly proud to lead on.
i'm always living up to expectations, & not daring to fight for the life i wanted.
can say me a coward, can say that i wouldnt want to anger them, or whatsoever.
i respect them, & chose to be polite, asking to stay out late for friends' birthday, & bbq.
for once, i'm voicing out what i rly wanted.
i'm 18, & yet leading a life of 14.
curfews, expectations ; i'm sick and tired of it.
i thought results would probably exchange for the freedom? nah.
if i'm granted with freedom,
i wouldnt be quarreling/coldwar with them,
i wouldnt stay out super late, or probably; just a couple of times.
wondering when i could lead this ideal life of mine *
STUDIES:
for this promo1 i had, results were'nt fantastic nor downright lousy.
i took this exam for the first, and passed all my 3 H2 subs, passed chinese.
but failing mathes and GP.
i thought i could get some encouragements from my mother,
& yet, "why didnt u pass maths and GP as well?"
crap. thats all i got. i'm feeling so depressed and disappointed.
i'm not happy with the results i got either, but glad that i'm one of the top 10 in class.
ps:_`i couldnt get to choose on how & when to die,
but i could decide on how to live.
& i could always get whatever i want.
everyone labelled me with "happy girl".
& i lived on with it.
i dont deny the fact that i'm satisfied and should be glad for what i had.
but, i'm not.
i need a life, and yes, i really do need one.
a life which i wouldnt look back & regret later on,
but rather, a life which i'm rly proud to lead on.
i'm always living up to expectations, & not daring to fight for the life i wanted.
can say me a coward, can say that i wouldnt want to anger them, or whatsoever.
i respect them, & chose to be polite, asking to stay out late for friends' birthday, & bbq.
for once, i'm voicing out what i rly wanted.
i'm 18, & yet leading a life of 14.
curfews, expectations ; i'm sick and tired of it.
i thought results would probably exchange for the freedom? nah.
if i'm granted with freedom,
i wouldnt be quarreling/coldwar with them,
i wouldnt stay out super late, or probably; just a couple of times.
wondering when i could lead this ideal life of mine *
STUDIES:
for this promo1 i had, results were'nt fantastic nor downright lousy.
i took this exam for the first, and passed all my 3 H2 subs, passed chinese.
but failing mathes and GP.
i thought i could get some encouragements from my mother,
& yet, "why didnt u pass maths and GP as well?"
crap. thats all i got. i'm feeling so depressed and disappointed.
i'm not happy with the results i got either, but glad that i'm one of the top 10 in class.
ps:_`i couldnt get to choose on how & when to die,
but i could decide on how to live.
- Mood:
hopeful
i need a break.
a break from demoralisation, scoldings and disappointment.
never did i expect that i would pass my math; & yeah, expected.
i failed terribly. 13/50
but dont knw why, i'm pleased with it.
i managed to deal with the logerithems and all the shit,
& just the graphs which is giving me all the problem.
chinese, TOTAL CRAP. i'd never got any grade below than A1.
and now? i got an B ):
i misinterpret a 10mark qn & that why.
neither do i have the courage to accept the fact that i got an B,
nor do i have the courage to tell my mum bout this screwed results.
GP, lol. a round of applause.
i failed too. never expect that i gonna pass either.
prolly i'm just finding excuses for myself ):
but..GENERAL PAPER, is being named for a reason,
based on general knowledge, & need enough reasons to substantiate my stand.
i dont have what it takes to do that paper in merely 2hrs, to produce a wonderful essay.
18/50, considered alrights and prolly with a glimpse of hope to pass in the future.
"why you fail your english? why the other 3people can pass in class, but you cannot? "
crap crap crap. cant they just feel my agony as well?
i wanted so much to cry and shout in their face -.-
but, nah. i failed, what can i do?
face the music.
there goes 3subs out of 6subs i took.
POA got an A, but i'm aint satisfied with the results.
hopefully i gonna pass my MOB with at least an C and at least pass econs luh.
(pssst. i'd never passed econs in any of the class tests ._. )
ps:_i guess i need to take a break, & cry.
i'm tired, i swear.
- Mood:
annoyed
Heart and soul - Chester Tan
like how the music plays,
for you & i.
like how the melody goes,
for the heart & soul.
time's running short, 1more week to promo exams.
besides studying hard for econs, i'm actually figuring on how to do my maths ._.
logerithems ; kill me :x but cant possibly run from the fact that it's a imp topic eh? LOL.
&&&& ; i'm screwing my life upside down.
i don't knw if i'm choosing the right path of taking up diploma,
i would learn pyscho if i get into NIE? ._.
SO, chose to take up dip in accounting; rather than dip in pyschology.
i aspire to be a kindergarten tcher,
as for now, i've chose to take dip in accountings, alvl during my stay in MI,
hopefully get into NIE, and also, complete my ACCA for accountings in 3yrs time,
ultimate goal is to be a certified accountant, &&& also; a teacher, be it a pri school / kindergarten teacher.
part-time accountant AND also a full-time tcher is what i would aim for.
never in my life i'd decided on what i rly wanted.
and now, i've made this one out of my own accord.
i truly hope & pray that it would be a wise decision, & would have an impact in the later part of my life.
studying & striving so hard now,
so to have a stable-income job, & also ! realising my dream.
i'm alrdy planning for my future, & i'm serious about it.
thoughts kept reminding me at e back of my head :
will i have the ability to manage them? the dip & a's?
AND, will the plan work out?
*i hope i can manage, i hope it will work out perfectly fine for me.*
come to think, the more certs you earn, it'll benefit you more.
i suppose thats how the society works nowadays..
no harm shortening my lifespan and killing my braincells for this 6yrs to come ((:
ps:_`never look back for what i've done & regret what i could have or might have.
so; yeah. go peishan go!
besides studying hard for econs, i'm actually figuring on how to do my maths ._.
logerithems ; kill me :x but cant possibly run from the fact that it's a imp topic eh? LOL.
&&&& ; i'm screwing my life upside down.
i don't knw if i'm choosing the right path of taking up diploma,
i would learn pyscho if i get into NIE? ._.
SO, chose to take up dip in accounting; rather than dip in pyschology.
i aspire to be a kindergarten tcher,
as for now, i've chose to take dip in accountings, alvl during my stay in MI,
hopefully get into NIE, and also, complete my ACCA for accountings in 3yrs time,
ultimate goal is to be a certified accountant, &&& also; a teacher, be it a pri school / kindergarten teacher.
part-time accountant AND also a full-time tcher is what i would aim for.
never in my life i'd decided on what i rly wanted.
and now, i've made this one out of my own accord.
i truly hope & pray that it would be a wise decision, & would have an impact in the later part of my life.
studying & striving so hard now,
so to have a stable-income job, & also ! realising my dream.
i'm alrdy planning for my future, & i'm serious about it.
thoughts kept reminding me at e back of my head :
will i have the ability to manage them? the dip & a's?
AND, will the plan work out?
*i hope i can manage, i hope it will work out perfectly fine for me.*
come to think, the more certs you earn, it'll benefit you more.
i suppose thats how the society works nowadays..
no harm shortening my lifespan and killing my braincells for this 6yrs to come ((:
ps:_`never look back for what i've done & regret what i could have or might have.
so; yeah. go peishan go!
- Mood: optimistic
it's been so long since i last updated :x
there's nthing much for me to post either,
life has been treating me indifferently, & i'm okay with it.
holidays;
i'd been sleeping; & i'm kinda guilty bout it ._.
exams are straight after hols, & i swear, i gotta start mugging before i regret.
hopefully; i can scrape through my maths :\
and pass my chinese, mob, poa with at least a C or B ?
other than that; im rotting at home.
hols are ending in prolly 2weeks ._. time passing real fast.
before i could have a glimpse of it,
before i could enjoy & study,
its going to be over ~
ps:_` i need to start mugging, SERIOUSLY.
there's nthing much for me to post either,
life has been treating me indifferently, & i'm okay with it.
holidays;
i'd been sleeping; & i'm kinda guilty bout it ._.
exams are straight after hols, & i swear, i gotta start mugging before i regret.
hopefully; i can scrape through my maths :\
and pass my chinese, mob, poa with at least a C or B ?
other than that; im rotting at home.
hols are ending in prolly 2weeks ._. time passing real fast.
before i could have a glimpse of it,
before i could enjoy & study,
its going to be over ~
ps:_` i need to start mugging, SERIOUSLY.
- Mood:
anxious
"i hope you'll remember how much hardship, heartpain and hardwork was within the 4letters."
& i dunno why i'm crying now..
i guess, i feel loved.
ps:_`forgive me for feeling tired at times, i'm sorry.
& you say, "we're all humans. "
- Mood:
loved
holiday's are finally here, but aint happy bout it either.
i gonna miss the crazy pple in school ):
besides that, i'd developed some random thoughts :
-i feel fortunate to have my parents, they're the most lovely ones in the world i guess.
-it makes me wonder why my temper is changing, & what cause it.
-undercover economist " is a good book.
-how long does it take to change love to habits, & slowly evolve to responsibilty?
-can love conquer all, literally.
-how nice if i could turn back time...what if.
-will intelligence affect one's character?
-can things ever stay the same? some do, some don't.
ps:_`Everything looks the same, feels the same, & even smells the same.
Soon, you realize what’s changed; its you (:
- Mood:
curious
at this point of time in the night ; im MUGGING.
wth. it's been soooo long since i've updated my blog.
i've been busy busy busy,
tied down my all tutorials and shit.
holy crap :x & NOW! im doing my mob!
besides all that,
my temper's still kinda bad when im tired/stressed.
it sucks to know that yet, i couldnt help it.
WEDNESDAY's my gp paper! hoooohoo!
ps:_`gonna continue mugging now ._.
- Mood:
busy
the pain is so real even before it actually happen.
i'd cried, i've realised.
i still love and need him like i always do.
but the fact is, baby girl isn't there anymore for him.
i'm searching for her to be back,
& i would prefer, and would rather to find her solely on my own.
strike me in my head that i'm not gonna take him for granted.
i wouldn't be so lonely either,
i've got cookie with me...it would be good enough.
believe and have faith in me alrights?
ps:_`for you and i,
for US.
i'd cried, i've realised.
i still love and need him like i always do.
but the fact is, baby girl isn't there anymore for him.
i'm searching for her to be back,
& i would prefer, and would rather to find her solely on my own.
strike me in my head that i'm not gonna take him for granted.
i wouldn't be so lonely either,
i've got cookie with me...it would be good enough.
believe and have faith in me alrights?
ps:_`for you and i,
for US.
- Mood: calm
thoughts are running wild through my head.
im feeling insecured & scared.
i don't knw why either ):
when things appear to be fine,
does it meant that it gonna be alright?
when all seems to be like in the past ;
i will try to go on.
and, i rly dont knw how to type my report of 3k words.
its killing me silently.
deadline is reaching soon enough :\
i will be strong.
ps:_`i shouldn't fret bout this.
i'm sorry if i'm thinking too much.
- Mood:
gloomy
it's been long since i'd updated from my previous post.
life's been treating me indifferent.
but ; somehow, im ain't happy ):
don't ask me why, people.
cause i've got no idea at all either.
i'm shagged, & yeah.
ps:_`怀念过去的我.
- Mood: blah
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